This one was one of the hardest things I have ever faced.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I will tell you my side of the story.
This really happened in February 2021, the hardest break up I hope to ever have, let me tell you about it and hopefully it will help someone struggling or my future self can come back here as a reminder.
A lot of things were wrong, out of control, problems kept reviving each time more often, we were starting to have discussions on things that were not happening yet, we knew that our future would not be good for us.
- She wanted to have a different life style.
- I wanted to have a different life style.
She simply wanted a different life than me, we had discussions about money, cars, houses, family, and so on.
I felt like I was the one that needed to get an amazing job to provide for a life that I didn’t even want.
These are BIG problems, at that point we were already engaged, we really were getting close to share a life together, and even when we were living together for more than a year at that point, things felt different, at least for me.
She was not just a girlfriend anymore.
- She became the future mother of my kids.
- She became the face I would see every morning.
- She became the light in my bad days.
- She became the partner in crime and joy.
- She became the one that I would grow old with.
In all these months I have learned that… this was not the case, I became obsessed with her, like she was a godess, I loved her but it was not healthy love.
Every time I got angry was because I was going towards a life I hated, and became desperate.
This feeling made me do bad things, things that I am not proud off, I am not the victim here, we were both executioners of our own relationship, but I think we were fighting for our own happiness without knowing it.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS?
When analyzing my past relationship in therapy (I reccommend everyone to consider to have therapy at some point) I realized that the love for her that grew in me was actually created over very weak pillars.
I havent had a relationship as long as this last one, longest one before was only a couple of months, and having a lot of trouble dating before her, I went ALL IN on this relationship… based on luck and beauty.
I found her pretty, maybe too pretty, that blinded me, made me say yes to things that I really didn’t want, almost unconsciously.
That is not healthy, I totally forgot about myself in order to make her happy.
It took time but finally I got out of the spell, a spell I do not want to fall in ever again, toxic and obsessive love, even in small doses can do a lot of harm.
CONCLUSION
Life must go on right?
It is not easy but every thing good or bad, teaches us something.
This break up has made me such an incredibly better person, tougher, more resilient, more secure, more observant, kinder, better prepared for life.
The only advice that I would give at this point is, always fight for love, all the way, but do not ignore the love for yourself, in my case I was loving someone but little by little the love for myself was dying.
- Ask for advice of your friends and family.
- Go to therapy, learn about yourself and the flaws that you can’t see.
- Be humble.
- Fight for your dreams.
I am totally sure the next time I fell in love with someone, I will excel like never before, and one day I will find the real love of my life.
And finally, no matter where or with whom she is, I wish her a long and happy life, just not with me again.
